jinnicider:

everything about this i love

… that one time we boxed kangaroos? Or that other traveled to the sun? Or when we fought dragons? Went back in time had dressed up as a cherry tree and chopped down George Washington? Built the Panama Canal? Fished under the sea for birds… we called it Birded? Adopted 45 kittens? Fed a tribe in Kenya? Fought in the Civil War? Gave tips to Lucas about Star Wars? Fed pandas? Sang Bohemian Rhapsody with Freddie Mercury? Became Abraham Lincoln’s Beard? Gave Jesus a bath? Battled Zeus in a epic fight for Olympus? Killed Lord Voldemort? Ate so much candy we puked? Played videogames all night and then made our own videogame? Started thinking with portals? Robbed a bank?

You remember that one time we did all that stuff?

Me either.

The process in which you Romulox.

What’s with everybody’s obsession with Loki?

Guess what? Loki sucks and so does Thor. 

Suck it, Asgard.

I work a lot. I just recently started working at Walt Disney World (some call it “Disney” or just “Diz” if you wanna look like a badass) and it’s been going… ehhhh.

The whole purpose of me working at Disney was so I could get into the parks for free. I didn’t really need the money, although it is nice to have the extra $150 every week, but more of just the perks. “Hey, I’m bored, let’s go to Disney.” I nice way to spend a day off with some friends who can get in as well, whether it’s with an annual pass or they work there. Well guess what, working three jobs means I NEVER GET BORED. I work 7 days week and at least 2 of those days mean I’m working all day. Monday I work Universal and Gamestop; Thursday I work Universal and Disney. I just… don’t have a day off. Which is not really BAD, per se, but it’s certainly not GOOD.

I’ve called out of Disney for the last 4 shifts I’ve been scheduled because my body and mind are punching me in the groin. I just can’t work 3 jobs like I used to. Back when I was in Fort Myers I could work 4 jobs without any problems. I was 18 back then. Young. Ready for love. I could sleep 6 hours and not give any sort of fucks. Not any more; I can’t do it. 9 years later I can barely get out of bed working 1 job. It’s coming down to I need to stop working at Disney.

I hate quitting. Especially because I just started there. I can say this though, I am NOT quitting Universal, that’s for sure. The mouse might have to lose a cast member. Not like he cares, I’m just a number over there anyway.

627628. NEXT.

You’re, your.

There, they’re, their.

It’s, its.

Weather, whether.

I know I’m not there smartest person in the world; I’ve never claimed to be. I’ll be honest, I’m probably near the “mid” portion of the smart-o-meter. Sure, I can make smart time, but I’m just an average Joe or Jane if I’m feeling a little sexy. I excel in certain things: pandas, comics, television, some internets, film knowledge, eating, etc etc. If I wrote a book, it would be readable, albeit boring.

I urge you; please learn how to spell. That’s all I ask. If you’re my friend, learn when to use what.

You’re an awesome dude.

Why thank you.

Your an awesome dude.

WHAT?

See. Same sentence with two different meanings. The first one, when broken down, means “You are an awesome dude.” The second, the wrong one, one reads exactly how it shouldn’t. Sure, it SOUNDS the same, but when written on a piece of paper to the dude you want to give the compliment to, WHOA HO HO, we have a different story. It’s the difference between looking like a maniac or somebody who knows how to construct proper sentences.

Consider this: The whether outside is very muggy. You’re jacket will do you no good. Its very warm and I think you will be to hot. Your going to want to take off your jacket like everybody else. There going to make fun of you if you continue to wear it because their going to think your just fat. Please do not be fat. Your skinny, you know this.

Fix it, kids!

I left clothes in the washing machine by mistake. They were washed, but not dried for… 2 days. My only pair of jeans were in said group of clothes so I had to wear them. I put them on and everything was fine. Until the sweat. THE SWEAT.

You never realize how much something can smell until you take it outside and put some water on it. This was my biggest mistake of the day. I smelled like moldy, cheesey beans. You never want to describe yourself as moldy, cheesey beans. A) It doesn’t roll off the tongue. B) You try to laugh it off, but you smell really bad. C) There’s no excuse for not putting your laundry into the HEATING MACHINE (That’s what I call it) because it just means you’re a lazy asshole.

Never wear jeans that sat in the washing machine and then put into the HEATING MACHINE two days later. You think it’s a good idea (it’s just water!), but nay. It’s the worst idea you can ever have.

The reasons I believe in god: The internet. Free money, whether it’s in the form of a check or just plain cash. Pain killers. Christopher Nolan. The female breast. Food; lobster, free range turkeys, pulled pork sandwiches, etc etc. My best friend Lee Bretschneider. My cat, may she be blessed in everything she does. Bioshock. The galaxy, despite it not being created by a god or gods. Las Vegas. Pandas.

The reasons why I don’t believe in god, just for good measure: healthcare. The laughter of a six year old. Christians, which is the opposite of what they want, yeah? The fact my dad is in a wheelchair. Babies crying. Constant erections for no reason. Adolf Hitler. The Ford Focus. Masturbation, no matter how good it may be at the time. Donald Trump. Las Vegas. Republicans. The fact that nobody has seen or talked to god except homeless people; if he wanted to be known, it should be easy, shouldn’t it?

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